Hope.

What really draws me to Shad’s music is that it’s essentially all about hope. Even when he’s rapping about his setbacks, the mistakes he’s made, it’s always with the acknowledgement that he’s learned something from it, that he could be something more. That hope is what attracts me; it’s the force behind his music that emotionally moves me. Trees never fear of growing too tall, of touching too much sky. I know humans are more complex, but our complexities hold us back sometimes. We can’t simply use our sunshine and nutrients to thrive — we need to debate, digest, accept them as a part of ourselves. For us, growth is not automatic and neither is hope.

Sometimes I wish I had more obvious knowledge and skills, so people could really see the time I put into something. What am I really about?
Am I about writing?
This blog?
That doesn’t feel like a lot. I think I’m afraid of a new challenge, afraid that I’ll stop liking it and back away, feeling ashamed at my failure to commit. I have one thing that I am decent at — do I dare try for more? Merely communicating effectively with people seems like an everyday goal to me (something I can’t always manage, though I try). If I could seriously want something, what would it be? How much time would it take? How would it fit into my life?

I can only believe that I’ll find the courage and passion in me to pursue what I want out of life and the hope to not give up. I also find hope edging me closer to God, despite my reluctance and questions. The passage below is the outro from Shad’s recently released song, “Peace”, hopefully appearing on an EP sometime soon. It really affected me emotionally and intellectually and I want to hold it close to my heart:

Hope has a cost. Hope is not comfortable or easy. Hope requires personal risk, it is not about the right attitude or peace of mind. Hope is action. Hope is doing something. Hope never makes sense. Hope is weak, unorganized, and absurd. Hope which is always nonviolent exposes in its powerlessness the lies, the fraud, and coercion. Hope posits that people are drawn to the good, by the good. This is the secret to hope’s power.
— Chris Hedges

Hedges is the author of the book, War is a Force That Gives Us Meaning.