Sex and religion have become really touchy subjects for me. I can’t entirely decide how I feel about either of them. This has me feeling really lost and alone. There have been times when I pushed the important questions away and other times when I’ve obsessed about them. I used to be so joyful with lesser knowledge. The only conclusion I’ve drawn is that I need to be by myself for the time being. How can I be in a loving, committed relationship when I don’t even know if we’re compatible in these basic areas? I worry that if I get a boyfriend, I’ll just base my opinions around his own, so we can get along and I’ll have my easy answers. It seems like people around my age are figuring this stuff out when they’re teens, and now they’re getting married and settling into the life they want. I’ve just been loving people and hurting myself for it. I put my guard up, I arm myself with assumptions and judgements, and I try my hardest to protect my heart. I’ve always been a very principled person, but it can be a real struggle to go against the crowd. I feel like the divide is widening between me and my friends who have found their soul mates.


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