I’ve really got to think about where I’m at now in my life and what values I stake my faith in. My frame of mind is still skipping over a track that’s small-time, insular and selfish. This isn’t to say that I haven’t achieved wonderful things, or that I’ve made no progress. I have personal struggles that reflect on the way I act when I’m out in the world and these have to be dealt with so I can be a stronger, more confident person. While I’m working on my political/environmental/religious standpoints, overcoming my inner obstacles will give me the freedom to raise my voice. Here is my statement of purpose:
1. It’s okay to be critical and it’s okay to criticize. There are issues that need to be called out. We have people in government behaving irresponsibly, whose eyes aren’t on the citizens they promise to serve, but on the power and privilege that accompanies their influence.
2. Sometimes I’m going to feel like I have no friends. Other times, I’ll remember all the joy and warmth my friends have given me. I’ll encounter those who dislike me, and I’ll make mistakes, and I’ll hurt other people. I’ll carry on, trying to know better, but inevitably I’ll be confronted with similar situations again. Such is the nature of being with people and without them.
3. But I can’t stop dreaming. I’ve worked so hard, though not hard enough yet. I may not see a definite publishing deal or a “dream job” in my future, but it’s time to visualize success.
4. Everyone has value, even if I can’t see it at first. Sometimes I’m not meant to be the person who sees it.
5. People will always be happier and more successful than I am. There’s no point in trying to cast a shadow over them, belittling their achievements or their life choices. I should strive to share in their celebration of life, and believe that we can all be successful on our own terms. We all grow from different circumstances, and their life is in a completely alternate context from mine.
6. Much of my inner conflict and resentment toward people comes from my inability to express myself articulately. I really need to work on having these important conversations with people where I can communicate what’s bothering me. Otherwise, I’ll just internalize and blame myself for negative feelings that could’ve just been remedied if I were better understood.
Now I just need a plan of action.